I just wanted to pop in and say a thanks, to my new subscribers to my blog. I have been busy writing my first urban NOVELLA. I know that not all people read, urban fiction. I am not asking anyone to force themselves into a genre, that they do not enjoy. Just know that it is a goal for me to reach. I intend to do so.
Any dreams that you would like to obtain…know that I set a goal first. Since I set this goal I have accomplished what I set out to do. My book is in the editing process. I wanted all to know. In the book you will get a urban tale, with my personal poetry. So if your into urban fiction, poetry…then please look out for my book.
I have the book art work completed, and my title. I am in the editing , copyright process. I want to insure that you receive my best work! So thanks again for reading my blogs. I will be bringing more topic very soon.
Until then here is a poem for you to sample my work:
Hope
I need to hold on to my dreams.
Nothing in my mind will deter me from accomplishing,
all I set out to do.
No one else can do it for me.
Only I can set and reach what I assigned as a goal.
I don’t care if the next person thinks it’s impossible.
I will look deep in myself.
Pull out every ounce of self assurance
because, I am trying to get to the top.
It’s my way to push through and cope.
I am talking about HOPE.
Queen Rella
All Rights Reserved
7/2011
(C)
Thanks so much for reading…and your support!!! Till next time continue to love yourself, and others too~!! Agape. ❤
I recieved this award from a very kind, loving soul. {{Msfullroller}} *Thanks *
I have been awarded with the stylish blogger award. I never knew of this award, since I am new to blogging. I feel so humbled that I was thought of for this. Thanks so much!
For passing on the award to me and keeping me in your thoughts.
OK, the rules are to thank and link back to the one who has given this award. Check.√
Second list 7 things about yourself. This should be interesting. So here it goes:
1.) I love to write. I have been writing for a long time now. Even when I was younger. (As young as 5th grade) I always kept a journal so I guess I was destined to share poetry and blog.
2.) I got my nickname Rella from my friends young son 15 years ago. I lived with them and always have been a neat freak. I would clean everything TOP to BOTTOM. She would tease me and call me Barb-Rella, like Cinderella. So my friend’s son shortened it to Rella. I always considered my self to be royalty. Even back in the day. (As young as 12) I would wear outfits and earring donning crowns or symbols of royalty. So I slapped a Queen in front of Rella and that’s how I got Queen Rella. Besides, didn’t Cinderella turn out to be royalty as well? lol. It is now my pen name for my Internet identity, poetry writing and for my book’s to come.
3.) I have two tattoo’s. My first tattoo I got as a right of passage into my official adulthood. I turned 18 and was considered to be a official adult. My half moon and star is my first tattoo. I later got my other tattoo which is a crown with the words Queen Rella. It have been with me for a while. I don’t regret neither of them and would like to get another one. I love body art. It is a way to express yourself. To be honest it can become quite addictive.
4.) I love purses. I can’t get enough of purses! Small ones, big ones, clutches, totes. My list could go on and on. I don’t carry them often though. Too many people out stealing out of purses. Snatching them and it seems like it is a target now a days. So I have purses but, for now they are just decoration hanging up on my wall. I only carry them and the small ones only when I am accompanied by my husband or I have no pockets and have to. {Go Figure}
5.) I know how to play the Clarinet. I may be a little rusty it’s been close to twenty years since I blew into one. All through school from elementary to early high school I played some kind of instrument and/or sang in chorus. I have always been deeply rooted in music.
6.) Cooking is so rewarding to me! I love taking plain, unseasoned bland food and adding pizzazz to it~! I love creating meals that start as a idea in my mind. It is my artistic outlet in the kitchen to cook and make it all look appetizing.
7.) I am my Grandmothers name sake. It was my Mothers idea for my Gram to pick a name for her third daughter with my grams initials. My Gram couldn’t come up with nothing that was favorable. So my Mother told her that if she don’t find a name. She will name me after her. The rest is history. I asked my Gram about it and she said I almost was namedBianca. Um, I am happy with carrying on my Gram’s name.
The last requirement is to award 15 recently discovered bloggers and notify them of this award. I don’t have 15 but I give this award to the following blogger:
Are you holding yourself back from reaching your goals?
Time and time again I know we all say that we are going to do something. It may or may not get done depending on our work load, extracurricular activities or mood. Even still when we do complete something that we set out to do we are so very proud of ourselves and feel that much more accomplished.
In this day and age where our words need to be our bond. It is imperative that we make our yes mean yes and no, no. Many today don’t live by this thought process. That is when folks character as a reputable person comes in to question. Is this person blowing me off? Scatter brain? Or just inconsiderate to say that they would do something and then it don’t get done. I really don’t think so. It may actually be that this person have problems focusing and it is highly important for them to set personal goals for themselves.
Personal goals be it long-term or short-term is the foundation. A strong foundation to becoming more reliable. Not only to yourself but then it trickles down to others as well. So setting goals for me have become more of a habit than an option. I have myself said that I would do something, just for it not to get accomplished. Oh how frustrating that can be! Not only that but embarrassing when you say you will do something and it is not completed. So I have to sometimes even write down my daily goals. When I do this, it gets done and I get to derive that sense of accomplishment. It’s that feeling that I know make many happy with one self.
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So what I do is every six months I sit down and write down ten goals. Five for long-term and five for short-term. As the months pass by I get to check off what I have completed. Seeing how far my mind, soul and spirit have grown in such a short time, it pushes me to set more goals. Writing them down is sort of like a small contract with yourself.
{Side Note: I have to say that doing the same when seeking a mate helps as well. Not only will it remind you what you desire in a mate it also put’s it out there for you to draw in that type of persons characteristics you wrote down.}
When ever you write down goals and you see it in your own hand writing. Just watch how much it encourages you to get them done. Now remember these are YOUR personal goals. No one have to know anything about them. It could be something as small as saving five dollars a month to losing five pounds a week. Only you need to know YOUR personal goals. If you want to share it’s cool I just want to remind you that when you do reach them…it’s all something YOU should hold dear to your heart. Never set goals to please another person. That wouldn’t be a personal goal and you may not reach it because you’re not doing it for YOU.
So that is it my dear friends! I feel that setting goals is imperative to success. I will continue to set goals. With them in place I never feel stagnant or left behind. I will forever be a work in progress. Which is very humbling, there is something new we can learn a day…Why not continue to push ourselves and learn even more from ourselves?
Everyone enjoy your lovely existence…today until forever~! Keep on setting goals and reaching them, proving to yourself that you are driven, ambitious and successful in whatever you want to do~!! AGAPE.
Is the grass greener on the other side? This is a question that many ask over and over again. Folks sit back and dream up what it would be like to live like the next person is. Do this thought process encourage a happy existence? Are you missing out on what others have, is their grass truly greener?
I have thought about this type of coveting. It’s counter productive to continue to look at what others have longing to have the same. If you are intended to have those things I believe that you would have them. Not everything is for everybody. Not only that do you really know what goes on with that other person? It may seem as if their grass is greener. However, have you really grabbed your binoculars and examined their grass before you start looking at your own grass as undesirable?
Sean “P Diddy” Combs aka Diddy Dirty Money or whatever he wants to call himself these days. Said it best, “More Money More Problems”. I believe it’s true. When you make more money you tend to create more bills. Along with the money comes folks that you may or may not be sure their reason for being around. Also you worry more when you have more. You worry about if someone will want to come and take whatever you have. SO on and so forth. In turn you will find yourself buying more insurance, alarms and safe’s to protect what you have. When you leave the house you worry about these material things. All this stress and worrying over a few extra items. Is it really worth it….is that grass greener?
I have found that many different people covet, many different things. Never realizing that their life is the way it is because it fit’s them. I have seen folks that will covet the next person mate. They want what that next person have. Even though they may have at home a loving, caring, supportive person. They get overtaken with one thing that the next person have and began to discredit their own “GOOD THING”. Then once they get that person they coveted they find out rapidly that the person isn’t right for them. They have nothing in common with them or they don’t get the same results as the previous person did with that person. It’s because not everything is for everyone. One example of the grass not being greener on the other side.
Other times I witnessed folks working two to three jobs to obtain what someone have materially. A Bigger house or a fancier vehicle. Only thing is when these things become property of theirs they realize that with the glitz and glam comes many more responsibilities. A bigger house means, higher gas/electric and repair bills….is the grass greener? A fancier car leads to higher car repair bill due to the parts being more expensive. Is it really a lush land beyond that fence? Or are you giving up your peace of mind? Having to work double as hard to keep these things but, never having time to enjoy them!
Realizing that not everything is for you is key, to realizing that your grass suits you just fine. You may have a regular car…but even if you did have a fancier WHIP would you be able to maintain what you have? No, now you have to nearly kill yourself to keep up the appearance of this more expensive item. If you have it, {MONEY} that is one thing. When you don’t, is when you need to realize that your grass may have been just fine the way you had it.
So is the grass greener? I have found that if you focus on your grass. Your piece of land. Your personal lawn….you will find that the grass is NOT greener on the other side. You will find that like many things in life it is all an illusion. It’s a trap to lure you away from your happy existence and into the arms of more stress, anxiety and drama. Appreciate what you have and realize that with a little work at what you do have. If you fertilize the humble grounds you stand on…you may be surprised what beautiful land you have on your side of the fence.
I appreciate you reading. I look forward to your comments on this matter. It is something that many fall victim to. I find that such shows as MTV CRIBS or Pimp my Ride encourages this emotion in us. We look to others and wish to have what they have. What we forget is what they have to do, to get it. It just may not be what we need in our lives. Agape. ❤
Judgemental ones...It's like the pot calling the kettle black~!!
It don’t matter what you do…there will always be ones that watch you, just to judge you. If you are a happily married couple. Someone will have something to say about who is dominating the relationship or who is making the most money in the house. Someone is always going to have their two cents about what you do.
I have found that when I was in a organized religion. It was with in them confines of “godly” restrictions I found the most JUDGMENTAL people. I am not certain if it’s because they feel as if they are drawn closer to God than the next person so that entitled them to pass judgement on someone else. All I do know is that there is only one judge I worry about!
I also know that these very same people that take snap shot looks into people’s lives then judge them. Usually they have a entire laundry basket full of secrets, lies and deceit. You see when you live your life with out fear of being judged folks target you even more. When you put things on front street, be honest with folks about how you feel about them and encourage others as others should do. Folks will still try to turn it into something impure. Except for the folks on the recieving end of the love.
I have never asked anyone to explain their relationship with another being. I could care less where the next man is standing as long as I know where I stand. I truly believe that how the next person choose to live their human existence is not my problem. As long as they aren’t out mass murdering, robbing, stealing etc. etc. Why shall I really be concerned with your business. I don’t have to live with your consequences. So why do these judgmental ones care what YOU do?
I have said it many times before and I have to reiterate. Misery loves company. These folks have made their choice in life. Whether they are truly happy or not. Well that is not my job to figure out. It’s their life and I will leave them that question to ask themselves. I am not one to say but, perhaps they envy your ability to tell the truth to people about your feelings, maybe they don’t have the same type of fun, caring, loving and encouraging friends in their existence. Jealousy is a monster that if not tamed will over come a person in a blink of a eye. So what they do to combat all them feelings….they Judge.
What is so funny about the whole ordeal is that when they assume and judge, they are sinning themselves. I know that it is easier said than done than to ignore these type of people. Nine times out of ten these are the folks that start the gossip that tears down. It would help if these type of people had some maturity about them. Instead of going straight to the source they choose to believe whatever their minds create. Exposing the truth of their longing to step into your shoes.
It’s just another one of those on going issues that we as imperfect humans have to deal with. My thing is…if these same people don’t want to be elevated as a Deity’s then why are they trying to employ themselves as such.
Realize that even though these people base themselves around “spiritual” surroundings they too can get caught up in the snare of a evil spirit. No man is perfect on earth today. Trust that you have a good relationship with yourself, you know your own living truths. Oh and trust that if these type of people can’t take time to look to their own faults you have no business being preoccupied with what the JUDGMENTAL ones want to say about you.
Care about what you, think about YOU~!! ❤
Thanks so much for reading. This topic is something I notice daily. Folks are so busy trying to impress some other imperfect man. Wondering what some mere mortal thinks….meanwhile it’s time to wonder how you think of yourself~! Your opinion of yourself should mean so much more to you!
They have many "friends" on the internet and at school...they need a parent.
Ever since I could remember I didn’t like to see physical altercations. I am talking about since before I graced the door of my High School. If folks remember me from the past they would not remember seeing me fight. As a matter of fact, you would usually see me trying to break a fight up. It wasn’t because I didn’t know how to defend myself. That was evident from the fact that through my entire elementary/middle school years I had to fight boys. It was always due to someone wanting to put their hands on me in a way I didn’t appreciate. Even still fighting was something I never really enjoyed….it was something I had to do, to defend myself.
I found back then and even now that every time a fight would erupt it would be because of something real simple-minded. One of the main reason’s I found that some young woman would fight in school or in the streets was over a boy. If I could talk some sense into these young woman I would say:
If these young men truly cared for you they wouldn’t want you out there disrespecting or hurting yourself, by fighting.
Pay attention to the young men when the fight is starting. Most of them will be laughing at you because they love to see YOU fight over them. They are there for the entertainment of your breast flying out or the weave getting pulled.
Will this fight make this young man love you? If he says it will help him decide. Then he never really cared for you anyway!
Would this young man fight for your attention? Probably not.
Is a criminal record and loss of possibly your life, worth the petty arguing and fighting?
Seriously, I can not believe how small-minded our younger generation is . It’s almost as if they truly believe that people really live like these reality shows. {Bad Girls Club, Flavor of Love, I Love New York, Maury, Jerry Springer ect.ect.} Life is not like this and the shows that you watch don’t show the consequence’s for this behavior. When you put your hand on another person that is called ASSAULT. When I watch our young ones fight over such small matters as What Set Your Claiming, Who you’re dating or What someone heard through the grapevine. It makes me realized that I was so blessed to be raised up, right.
Over fifteen years ago I didn’t like fighting. I still don’t. Why, because firstly I didn’t witness it in my home. Second my parent limited what we watched on television. Third, we was taught to defend ourselves. We was never taught to bully, jump or harass another person. It was only when folks put their hands on me I was allowed to “HANDLE MY BUSINESS”. I respected my parents and now I know why they told me, “Sticks and Stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me…” Not every word have to result in a fight. People use words to build up and many use them to tear folks down. Legally you can not go around punching folks because you don’t like the words they use. It is when they put their hands on YOU is when it is considered self-defense. SO I didn’t go around picking fights with people to prove my strength or to impress friends or even about a boy. That thought process comes from being raised right.
I have realized that many children now days are not being raised. Yes, I said it they are not being RAISED. Many folks out here claim to care about their children….but, they fail to teach them the basics of life. It’s when these basics isn’t taught is when you find these children in as folks call it “KIDDIE JAIL“. This is in turn teaching the young adults to become institutionalized early in life. All of this because instead of parents instilling values, morals and good life directions they are teaching them violence, dishonesty and drama. They are so busy trying to “FRIEND” their children that they miss the importance of guiding them to a productive adult life. Kiddie jail then turns into the real jail. That is when the parents want to ask, “HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?”
Children are gifts. I wonder how people treat their gifts they get at Christmas time. At first they are excited that they got exactly what they wanted, then they make sure everyone know about their new gift, next they do everything they can to make sure that they know all about this new gift to insure that they don’t or won’t break or destroy it. Many folks don’t even care for their children this way. They look at their children as burdens. It’s evident when you watch the news and hear story after story of people leaving their young children home alone, as toddlers.
I am not saying every parent is a bad one. Truth is it only takes a few to bring down the masses. I have actually seen many cases of good parents. Ones that teach their children right from wrong. Support and assist with homework, school work as well as how to deal with every day life issues. I have seen fathers take on the responsibilities of being a single parent. As well as many woman pick up the slack of the lacking men in the homes. I commend and support all these examples of fine parenting and they know who they are. They are the ones that are tired from cooking, cleaning and running from after school function to the next trying to support their children. It is those ones that would rather club jump, hang on the block or jump off hunt is the ones that is dropping the ball for our society. If the children are the future and these type are raising them…then it simply do not look too bright~!!
It is time to teach these young ones that fighting do not solve nothing. If you continue on this road to destruction, gossiping, fighting, lying and stealing. You will end up on TOP. ON the TOP bunk in your little jail cell. It’s time to tell these young ones that Rap and Reality TV is nothing but a fantasy. You can not go around being a THUG and not end up in JAIL. Period.
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If their parents are too intellectually disabled to do so. We have to remember that old saying, “IT TAKES A VILLAGE TO RAISE A CHILD”. It’s time for us all to take responsibility for our community. It all starts with what you do. LEAD BY EXAMPLE.
Thanks for reading. All this is resting heavy on my mind. We have to realize that if we continue to support, cultivate a dishonest, drama filled existence that it will be passed on to our next generation. This is the generation that will care for us when we are all elderly. Do you SEE the problem that we are forming???? I do.
Can we be supportive and hold each other in high regard?
Is it necessary to tear down another to make yourself shine? Do you find it difficult to compliment, encourage or support another? Can we generate a supportive vibe? These are the question that come to mind when I read people’s status’ on fb or watch video’s, and read comments on YT.
I understand that everyone have a purpose in life. Some feel as if what they are doing on the internet is their calling. My question is do it have to be at the expense of someone else’s emotions? I have noticed a strong vibe circulating the internet and in life, in general. Folks feeling as if they have to tear down the next person to boost themselves up. How is that productive?
I mean as far as the whole YT partner thing. It is truly a nice goal to attain for people. It is always nice to get paid to do what you love to do? At what cost though? Is it worth your soul? Is it worth destroying another person’s heart to get it?
Example: On yt there is a person’s channel I frequent often. I was watching one of their video’s and admiring the beautiful hair style they was creating. When I went down to comment I noticed this person’s comment. The person claims to be a loctician and volunteered a hair tip. My thing is, it’s not what you say…it’s how you say it~!! Anyway this person’s comment said that the other person needs to stop styling their hair as much as it would cause thinning ect. ect. They said that the person need to give their hair a break. When I went to this other person’s page they had all of maybe 20 subscribers. My question is: Did that comment come from a good place or was it because this other person have plenty of subscribers, comments,friends ect. on their video’s and on their page? Was this person trying to draw some of this others persons subscribers/friends away by making this comment?
I notice this vibe happening more and more often. It is so NOT necessary to tear down another to draw attention to yourself. It saddens my heart to see so many folks tearing down others for a small boost.
Many people watch TIMOTHYDELAGHETTO on YT. He is truly the funniest guy I have witnessed in a long time. He is a YT partner and I just personally enjoy all his videos. Do you think he got as far as he did by tearing down others? Nooooo~! If you notice he is always doing videos with others, shouting out other folks ect. ect. He has a strong supportive fan base also. So I ask you….can we begin to generate that kind of vibe with in our community of people? Seriously. Can we?
I hate to categorize things but I will. If you notice Asian support other Asians faithfully. Caucasians support other Caucasians too~!! Why can’t us as fellow brothers/sisters start to be supportive to each other? Why can’t we hoist each other up instead of finding ways to expose their vulnerabilities or insult them for miniscule reasons. It’s time for us to stop stepping on each others backs to make ourselves look taller, stronger and more desirable. To me it doesn’t make us look better when we use/ ridicule and back stab each other. To me we just look foolish, selfish undesirable and unreliable.
It is time for us to realize that we all are talented, beautiful, unique and lovely in our own rights. We need to grab the hand of another and pull them up instead of stepping on them or turning our noses up to them because of false elevating teachings of being lighter than the other, softer hair, darker complexion, wearing locks or fro’s or whatever it is that we find to divide us up.
Honestly though, I feel as a HUMAN RACE we need to realize that it is not about color now. It is about class. Working class and upper class. If you notice the middle class is slowly being zoned out. That is because the rich is getting richer while the poor is getting poorer~!! We need to realize that if we don’t find a way to unite as a HUMAN RACE…we will continue to fall victim to the exploits of those that want to continue to keep us poor.
There is no amount of money that is worth my soul. So when you feel the need to tear down…remember what is at stake. Ask yourself…Can I start to generate a supportive vibe or will I be a part of the growing problem of tearing one another down?
Thanks so much for reading! I hope all is well in your world. I know that you are seeing the vibe that is going around and shaking your head about it. I want to thank you for being one of the people who generate a supportive vibe~!! Agape.
Never underestimate the power you have with-in YOU~!
Many people are stressed out. Media is finding more and more ways to make everyone live in fear. Between high gas prices, cost of living rising by the second, terrorist attacks, diseases, war, natural disasters and crime. How do we find a way to enjoy life? When will we get to crack a smile?
Never underestimate the power of a good laugh. Seriously, if you had a long stress filled day. Remember that laughter is good for the soul. My husband and I are some silly fools around the house. We find time to joke with each other about all type of things. When I am in pain…laughter is my best medicine.
How and where can we find this jolt of happy? Well, all I can share with you is what I do to keep my heart and soul in good spirits.
First, I have to say that what I watch, when I watch television is an important factor. I love, love, loooove comedies. My movie choice when I go to see a movie is usually going to be a comedy, romantic comedy or an action comedy. Actually I just got done watching this movie on HBO that is running this month. If you have HBO look it up. Even if you don’t, go and purchase this movie. It is worth the good laugh, whenever you need a pick me up! It is called All About Steve. That movie is so funny….and please empty your bladder when watching because you are liable to tinkly a little from laughing so hard. My movie selection has stand up comedy in it. Say what you will about stand up comedy…but, they have an uncanny knack for making light of serious life situations. As humans we forget that we need to learn to laugh at ourselves a little sometimes. Comedians are a perfect automobile to transport you to happy~!!
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Second my association. Remember back in the day your Mother would say to you, “Bird of a feather will flock together”? Well it’s true. Many times if you find a person to be depressed, unhappy, sad, angry….they usually hang around the same type of people. So if you want to pick your spirits up, find some association that don’t focus on the negative. Find like-minded people who enjoy to laugh, joke and enjoy things that will put a smile across your face. These things don’t have to come from a bottle, bar or club either. Just chilling with someone, going out for a nice walk and conversing with someone positive will work just fine too. Not to mention you will get a genuine uninfluenced boost of endorphins that is a natural, FREE HIGH.
Third, I don’t watch the news every time it comes on. All I can say is in-between the internet, word of mouth and newspapers. You will never miss a beat with the going on’s in the news. There is no need to watch the 6am, 12pm, 6pm and 11pm news. Watching the news is depressing. Plain and simple they get paid to bring the news and the channel with the worst news gets the most RATINGS. Ratings equal more money for the company. So know that they specialize in SHOCKING you, the viewer. After you are shocked at all the gruesome things that humans being do…that makes you realize that you are surrounded by some ill people. Next thing you know your anxious that these types of things are going on in your neighborhood. I am not saying ignore the news. Everyone needs to stay up on the world’s events. I am just saying too much of anything can be detrimental to your happiness.
Fourth, laugh at yourself. Find something, anything that you can and tack it up to the silly side of you. If you find something about yourself funny, then when others that are full of hatred come along trying to cut you down say something…..you can take it in stride. {SOMEWHAT, I don’t tolerate disrespectful people. The law frowns down upon people going around smacking folks silly every time they say something offensive to you} Not to mention, it will make you witty enough to have a retort for them types that love to publicly insult folks. Then you can laugh at the face they make when they realize they have met their match.
Fifth, Laugh at your haters. It is so funny to see how much time, effort and intelligence that folks put into hating on the next person. I mean if they put that much effort into their own lives, goals and business…they would be, they would be successful {In my Trey Songz Voice} “YUP~!!” You have to admit when they see you stunting, loving life and happy that face that they make is SOoooo, sooooo FUNNY~!! In the words of Kat Williams as soon as they staring at you with that upset stomach look on their face….just start cracking up laughing~!! Laughter is good for the soul. My haters give me plenty to laugh at and for that I have to thank them So very MUCH~!!
All I am saying is don’t underestimate the POWER you posses to give your self a boost of HAPPINESS! Find that thing that put a smile on your face, laughter into your heart because there is plenty you can find to frown about. Release that stress you have bottled up….in a form of a hearty LAUGH~!!
Thanks so much for reading…I would love for you to join me. Click the button to the right and enter into the mind of a Queen. Agape and keep on smiling~!!
Today I woke up and I have to say I paused, to say thanks to my creator for allowing me to open my eyes. As I woke up I realized just how much I am ready for this winter wonderland crap to end. {LOL} Seriously I used to enjoy the winter…the beauty of the snow all around, brisk cool air, the winter fashion. Yes I have to admit I love the fluffy coats, adorable boot and the scarf/hat/glove combo’s. Winter gear is so super adorable. Everyone is bundled to block the cold old man winters embrace. Men sporting matching Timberlands with coats and ladies of course they define the adorable when it comes to winter gear. As it should be…we are the fashionista’s of the world.
As I was saying though…I use to love winter!! Now I just wish it away. Like for real..it brings the most achy feeling in me. I believe more so than rain does. I woke up today and everything was throbbing~!! I mean from the top of my spine to the toe knuckles. Sore, sore …and more sore. I just want to know have you ever broke a bone? I have to be honest with you I never broke a bone in my childhood. EVER. I waited until I was in my thirties to break a bone. Now I know that my pain is worse than that pain.
I was tickling my husband. As we play around and enjoy each others company often. What I don’t realize is that with RA it makes my small joints VERY fragile. So as I was tickling him he made this maneuver to get away…snapping my pinky finger. I heard it and instantly knew that it was broke. As I rushed to the sink to run cold water over the throbbing digit I looked at the finger and it was bent all the way to the right. I showed my Husband and Niece then immediately she started saying Auntie you need to go to the hospital. I knew it was broke but I didn’t want to go to the hospital. I took and snapped my finger back in place. {Eww…I know. Imagine the pain I am the one that reset the bone.} I did a small splint for the finger as it pounded hard for the rest of the day. Later we went to the hospital and our suspicions was confirmed, it was indeed broken. LMBO
I say all this to say…all that pain do not add up to the pain that I am feeling at this moment. I get folks all the time that say oh you just have arthritis? I have that in my KNEE, ELBOW…ect. ect. Then they complain about the pain in that one area. I say to them imagine every joint in your body aching like that at once. Since I have been diagnosed with this degenerative disease I have found out about bones in my body I didn’t even know existed. Did you know you have a bone in your voice box? I didn’t until I got this disease. Can you imagine how a bone in the voice box aches….I know.
I say all this to say that today is one of those days that I realize that I am slowly breaking. It hurts especially more because instead of the fast break I experienced with my finger, it is a slow deliberate break. Each day I live my bones shift out of their joints. I pop fingers back into knuckle joints, crack my neck and it sounds like it is crushing vertebrae, and can even make my skull crunch under the pressure of my swollen stiff hands. I am slowly breaking….
It’s cool though because, one of my life goals is to move to a warmer climate. I need all year around hot weather. This humid air that the burgh offers and the constant precipitation that it gives way to that overflows river banks and parking lots around the Steel city. I love my city but these winter’s are getting the best of this old arthritic soul. LMBO. I will always carry PITTSBURGH in my heart.
SLOWLY BREAKING…..
I know on this new lifelong journey that I am on. I am trying to slow the progression of this disease. Exercise to build my muscles to support my weak bones. Take my anti-inflammatory medication to cut the low-grade fever I deal with and the swollen joints that don’t allow me to freely hop up and go. It’s a learning lesson dealing with this disease….all in all….my body may be breaking slowly but my soul is being renewed daily. My spirit to live a happy existence despite the pain will continue without fail.
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SO PRETTY TO LOOK AT FROM THE INSIDE LOOKING OUT! Not if you have to go out in it.{I just wanted to share with you that OLD MAN WINTER is trying to stay around all the way to March 20th. WE ARE SO CLOSE TO SPRING YET SO FAR….if you have Rheumatoid Arthritis pain}
I thank all that is my ROCK. My creator, husband, family and friends are all supportive to my condition and continue to be my strength to keep on dealing with the pain, limited mobility and swollen joints. Thanks y’all for being my rock. Thanks for reading…..Pain is not going to be my master…but it is playing a part in my life. RA may drain my energy…but I can’t help but to keep on enduring because I am a fighter~!!
People that go around name calling, criticizing and stereotyping folks give themselves too much credit. These negative type of people will go around trying to cut down the next person. Their goal is to destroy YOUR self-esteem. They will knit-pick anything they feel is different from what they classify as the “NORM”. They will say things to knock you off your game because truthfully they are so far from their middle, it isn’t even funny.
What these type of people don’t realize that in order for you to have self-worth & confidence….you must have self-esteem. Sadly they don’t know that in order to have self-esteem it must start with YOURSELF. {Not them}
So even though these type of people are out there to destroy your good spirit’s, positive living and joyful demeanor. Remember that: A.) No one can steal your joy if you don’t let them and B.) It’s takes yourself to tear down your self-esteem~!!
In order to feel good about yourself…it takes you. If you choose to believe the ill thoughts and feeling that others spit about you. Then and only then is when you are allowing others to attack your SELF-ESTEEM. How you feel about yourself is your business. Know that you build your character. Not the words of another imperfect human being.
If people want to classify you as a Hoe….and you know good and well that you don’t prostitute your body for a living…Why feed into their idea’s of you? Who cares what they think? The questions that you should be trying to get answers to is WHY DO I CONCERN YOU SO MUCH?
Seriously, if these people who try to pass judgement on you is so spectacular, interesting and valued. Why do they preoccupy themselves with all your business, life issues and love life? Ask yourself and them that question. Why do my looks, love and life concern or irritate you?
It’s time for the so-called “judgemental ones” TO FIND A LIFE~!! It’s time for you to remember that no one can damage your self-esteem. Back in the day your parents was your protectors. They made certain that you didn’t hear, see or be around anything that was destructive to your emotional, mental and physical make-up. Now as adults we think that we can expose ourselves to these things and they don’t affect us…because we are an adult. WRONG. It matters what you look at, read and who you associate with. It all affects the make-up of you. So as you was taught back in the day, “You are what you eat, read, watch or gather with” It is true…and if you sacrifice your self-worth to surround yourself with these destructive people…YOU WILL BE RESPONSIBLE FOR KILLING YOUR OWN SELF ESTEEM~!!
I have to keep it 100% real with you. It’s time to realize that as adults we are our own parents now. If something is wearing down on you….if your feeling as if your heart is heavy…if you can’t find nothing positive to say about yourself. It may be time to first evaluate your association. Then check your own heart. Just because television tell you that blonde and blue eyes are the best. Doesn’t mean that it is correct. It is one persons opinion…and we know that opinions are just like anus’ everyone have one. Oh and they are full of ISH~!!
Turn off them programs that derive this feeling of self hate in yourself. Start to surround yourself with positive images of YOU, your people, your likes and watch how much your self-esteem will grow. I can not stress enough the importance of taking time out to love, admire and adore the beauty that you manifest.
Example: Back in the day before I was thrust into a world that held prejudice, unkind words and stereotypes. I didn’t know what or never even heard the word “NIGGER” before. Truthfully. We lived in a primary black area until I was like 6 or 7. Next thing I knew some little caucasian boy in the new neighborhood was calling me that derogatory word. I immediately ran into the house and asked my Daddy what is that? It was explained to me…and the way my Mama is she made certain that we knew the proper meaning to the word, also. So right there I learned that the word didn’t apply to me and that I will not allow another person’s opinion to change who I am. So after that I noticed a sign on our wall. It stuck with me for time to come. My Dad put it up to instill what I have known all along. It read, “BLACK IS BEAUTIFUL!”
This sign reminded me every day that I was as beautiful as any one of, God’s creations. PERIOD. Sometime we have to realize that WE are responsible for our own SELF-ESTEEM. Or else it would be called OTHERS ESTEEM. Oh and let me tell you if our individual esteem rested on the opinions of others…there would be so much more depression, suicide ect. ect. Because there are many people in this world that LOVE misery and will intentionally try to drag you into it.
In closing my whole reason for this topic is to let you know that YOU are responsible for your esteem. Don’t ever doubt how important, beautiful, special, intelligent you are because another person does. Their opinions really don’t count when it comes to you LOVING you. Never allow no one to mess up your good relationship with yourself. FEEL ME???
Thanks so much for reading. I appreciate your time, patience and love. If nothing else comes across today, to you…know that your inner voice should be your best friend. It should be your biggest cheerleader. All them outside voices will continue to be there. If you listen to your inner voice though. The one that tells you the truth. Like you are worthy, beautiful, intelligent….It will not only encourage you but, it will yell louder over all the hatred that others try to feed you. AGAPE. ♥
Queen Rella 