In Order To Give Love, You Have To Love Yourself First!
21 May 2012 Leave a Comment
Have Your Own Back, First.
Today many people are out looking for a good friend. Someone to confide in, tell their deepest secrets too. A ride or die, a partner in crime, a ACE in your pocket, what ever you call them. We all look for all these things in the next individual. Then when this person don’t deliver. We get angry with them, for not living up to our expectations. Sometimes in life we have to realize that we can be our own best friend.
Some question why they can’t cultivate a strong emotional relationship with anyone. It’s natural to want a companion, I’m not saying that it isn’t. It’s just that many of these people that demand undying love from another, don’t give it to themselves. How do you expect to give love, if you don’t have it for yourself?
I have seen examples of folks complaining that this person don’t have their back, or they can’t rely on that person. My question to you is, why do you expect them to do so much for you? Why don’t you demand and expect these things out of yourself? I stop and asked myself the question time and again. In the end I realized one thing, I was only upset with myself. Why? Well because I didn’t take the time to realize that I didn’t need to rely on anyone. I should of had my own back in the first place. Second is because I put too much faith in another imperfect human being.
I took time out to blog about this because I know it’s a relavent topic. Something that keeps getting brought up. FRIENDSHIP, is defined in Wikipedia as follows:
Friendship is a relationship between friends, a friendly feeling or attitude.[1] Friends care for one another and look out for each other. For a deep understanding to occur between friends, they must open up about personal things, listen carefully, and be loyal to one another (Kheterpal, 2008) Friendships and associations are often thought of as spanning across the same continuum and are sometimes viewed as weaknesses. The study of friendship is included in the fields of sociology, social psychology, anthropology, philosophy, and zoology. Various academic theories of friendship have been proposed, among which are social exchange theory, equity theory, relational dialectics, and attachment styles.
Value that is found in friendships is often the result of a friend demonstrating the following on a consistent basis:
- The tendency to desire what is best for the other
- Sympathy and empathy
- Honesty, perhaps in situations where it may be difficult for others to speak the truth, especially in terms of pointing out the perceived faults of one’s counterpart
- Mutual understanding and compassion; ability to go to each other for emotional support
- Enjoyment of each other’s company
- Trust in one another
- Positive reciprocity — a relationship is based on equal give-and-take between the two parties.
- The ability to be oneself, express one’s feelings and make mistakes without fear of judgement.
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Yes, friendship can come from another individual, that’s true. My question is, why can’t you be that best friend to you? No one will know you as deep as you do, encourage you as much as you. As far as having someone to confide in, what happened to good ole journaling? All I’m saying in so many words is…stop trying to kiss others tail for them to like you. You start with YOU LIKING YOU, then you will find genuine folks that will appreciate you for exactly who you are! Not for what those ones that you’re trying hard to impress, to love you for. Which is not really being yourself, it’s being whomever they want you to be. If you move past those folks and work on loving yourself first. You will truly start to attract REAL FRIENDS, those that more than likely have a deep friendship with themselves. When folks know how to treat themselves, they tend to know how to love others. SO what I’m saying is, start with you. Have your own back, and all the other stuff will fall into place. See you in the next post~!! LOVE ALWAYS!
Taking It Back To The Basics
16 May 2012 Leave a Comment
The Basic’s
Whew, it’s been such a long time since I blogged. I have been so buried in developing these stories. Still I need to poke my head out, and say hello to all my old and new subscribers of my blog. Thanks for your continued support, and love.
Okay I need to get right into this subject. Taking it back to the basics. Now first I have to say that I’m a firm believer in faith. I personally believe in a higher power. I also tend to feel like what ever works for a person in their life, then I say work it! There for I steer away from brow beating, or forcing my own spiritual thoughts on another. So take this blog as my opinion. You know what they say about opinions, EVERYONE HAS ONE…sorta like our rear ends.
So, what’s the basics?? WTH, am I referring too? All this uproar about the announcement that our President made concerning gay marriage. I’ve notice an influx of people discussing if it should, or should not be something legal. As these topics arise I tend to worry about the issues that are being ignored. Big issues concerning health care, our trillion dollar deficit, famine, unemployment, wars….still I guess many feel like these individual decisions for each person, is somehow a political issue. Then many are on the side of the bible and throwing around words to stir up anger in these individuals. Really?
As humans how far have we came. That we have lost the basics that was taught;
1 John 4:8
New International Version (NIV)
8 Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.
Folks that are religious tend to forget that the same creator that they are fighting for, wants them to simply love. It’s not up to us to decide what is right, or wrong for anyone’s life. All sins in the bible are in there…not one more than the other. Still can anyone really share with me where the bible came from? NO SERIOUSLY, I would love to ask my African Ancestor’s if they knew anything of a bible before we got ripped from our Motherland? So I continue to open my mind, to the possibilities of many different things. It wasn’t that far ago when blacks couldn’t marry white’s. ”Some would consider that unevenly yoked”. This is why there is so much separation starting from religion, and government. There is clear difference between governmental issues, and religious. Simply enough, I thought this was the land of the Free??
I said all this to say what? Well if we all stand back and think about it. Throwing around that people is not made in God’s image, because they live a different life than you is being judgmental. It’s not being loving at all. Are you really made in God’s image if you can’t share love? Are you less of a spiritual human because you don’t choose to marry, and consummate before it? It use to be against the law to do that. Same as Adultery, and drunkenness. Now it’s left up to each individual’s decision, because it’s a moral decision.
Folks need to realize that we all sin, we all fall short. Still I don’t wish no one and I REPEAT NO ONE…to live a life of misery. Pretending to be something, or someone they are not. I don’t find that loving either. In the end, what anyone does in their personal life should ultimately be their business. This subject is something to merely pull us away from the real issues. Love is Love, in my eyes…if your sharing it, then you’re furthering the message that our Creator sent to us. Like I said though…it’s basically JUST MY OPINION.
Thanks for reading…I hope this opens up a ground for discussion. A healthy one, that allows all to open their heart, minds and souls. To really realize that those that you shun, usually ends up in your family. So, be careful what harsh words you spit out, you may have to swallow them one day. Please continue to share love. Love ALWAYS. <3
Hoping For Someone’s Failure
17 Mar 2012 2 Comments
They say revenge is sweet. On the flip side of the coin, I’ve heard ole folks say, “Revenge is like taking poison, and waiting for someone else to die.” I’ve noticed in this society, that there are people that will sit around hoping for someone to fail. At the beginning of OBAMA’s term he had people creating so many stories about him. He constantly have people hoping for him to fail. What people don’t understand is, IF THEY FAIL…YOU DO TOO! It’s interesting the society we live in. We think that the next person don’t affect us.
I say this to say what? We have to start supporting each other in this day and age. Our physical, educational, religious differences and sexual preferences, have nothing to do with the advancement of the human race. It takes all kinds of people to make this world go around. Still I’ve seen plenty of times, how people will sit around hoping for someones failure. If that young woman struggling with two kids, don’t reach out for government assistance. That case worker wouldn’t have a job. Yet that caseworker will look down their nose at that struggling mother of two. Hoping that they don’t get granted government assistance. I don’t understand the need to look down on another, because your circumstance have elevated.
We are all bound together by one driving force, planet earth. If one fails…we all fail. I know that, and am aware of it! When a person is reaching and striving for goals. I have noticed that people will knock them down. Tell them that it’s impossible for them to complete the task they want to achieve. All because their lives have remained stagnant, they will discourage another. If that person don’t achieve their goals…then YOU FAIL TOO! Folks is worried about the future. Never realizing that as you wish down evil on your neighbor, brother, sister, cousin, friend, enemy, and so on….that YOU ARE WISHING IT ON YOURSELF! If it seems like someone has a lot of good fortune. It irritates you to see them prosper, remember this. Every morning that they go out and work, it’s a hope for your future. When someones child makes it to college, whether yours go or not! It’s a nod for OUR future.
Still I have to say this and it’s true. If you need to sit around and hope for another persons failure…how empty of a life you must have. It’s time for YOU to take action for your contribution to this society. What are you really doing to secure YOUR success? Sitting around hoping another person fail is not helping your current situation or the future…emotionally. As you sit around HOPING and PRAYING that someone runs into ill will….it eats at YOU. That person don’t know that you wish ill of them. They are still happily living their life! So I say to those that hope for failure….WHY ARE YOU CUTTING OFF YOUR HAND TO SPITE YOUR FACE? In other words, You’re sabotaging your own future, hoping for another one to fail. In the words of OUTKAST, “Get Up, Get Out and Get Something…” Then you wouldn’t resent those that are, so much…and hope for them to fail.
Thanks for reading….and I have to say this. In this INTERNET world…quickly friends that have been for a LONG time, become fast foes. Words are a powerful force…and Mark Z. is making capital money off of the fact that everyone got something to say!! Still, when it comes to a point where I notice long time friends, relationships and family’s falling out over WORDS, I have to say this! Stop being OVER SENSITIVE….when folks post off the chain messages. I think this way, “If the shoe fits wear it, if it don’t take it off!” Have a GREAT day and see you in the next post! Agape.
On The Road To Recovery
13 Jan 2012 Leave a Comment
in bbw, From the Mind of a Queen
- I’m in my teens again~!!
It’s been a full year and a month of my journey to better health. I knew that in order for the RA pain to ease up, I needed to rid my body of some of the excess weight.
I felt the need to come through and touch base with my wonderful readers. Let you know that I have reached another milestone for me. I am now in my teens again! (LOL) No not age silly, I’m talking about my dress size! I’m excited and proud that I’ve made it this far. True that it have been an up hill battle with in myself to stay active, and to continue to eat what my body needs to survive. Still on this journey I have found it’s true, that as you’re losing weight, your body is healing.
I am in the healing process. Riding my body of toxins, excess body weight, making breathing easier! I have to stress that if we as a people don’t encourage each other to maintain a healthy lifestyle. We are all doomed to live a life of illness. I say this because people see folks losing weight and the first thing they think is “They must be sick” or “On drugs” and even some have passed around “Weight Loss Surgery”. Someone can not just be eating the way that they want and exercising anymore. So I tell everyone that not only am I on the healthy lifestyle journey, I am also on the road to recovery.
Think about the repair that my joints are going through. Carrying less weight is advantageous to lowering blood sugar. Life is too short to spend it miserable, listless and agitated. I traded in my sedentary life for a more active one. With in this next year my goals have been set. I don’t share my goals with others because they are mine and mine alone. Still you must know that I intend to keep on this healthy lifestyle…..well you can see below why? Proof is in the pudding~!!
I encourage you to go for what you know! If there is something that you want to do to improve your health. Don’t worry about what others are going to think. Do what YOU need to do for you! I know that it’s easy to grab a burger and fries then sit in front of the TV. Trading the energy for the TV and veggies for the fries. Made such a big difference in my health. Thanks for reading. Agape.
Every End Is A New Beginning
02 Jan 2012 Leave a Comment
in bbw, From the Mind of a Queen, New Book News
New Year + ME = Endless possibilites
Happy New Years! 2012 is upon us~!! I don’t have to tell you that I’m optimistic, excited, encouraged and renewed for this new year~!! I talk about in the last blog, getting to the finish line. I also said that I would talk about what to do when you reach a goal. Well I figured I would start the new year out with that blog. Every end is a new beginning.
Personally when I reach a goal I tend to celebrate. Taking time to relish and enjoy the fruits of my labor. Next, I continue to support this goal. If it’s something that needs supported. {Such as my book. I have to continually do things to market and encourage the sales of them} Now I don’t relax on my accomplishments. I can’t sit still for a moment sometimes. I literally have to stop myself, and train myself to take a break. After that break is over. What ever I choose to do to relax. I go back to the lab and re-write out NEW goals. Yup, I said it. New goals…I’m not done yet. If breathe is still in me I am determined to define, create and recreate my life. Not according to no one human beings life…but, mine. Anyways, like I was saying, what I do is start a new list of goals.
So, even though it feels like I should stop, or take a break. I don’t I keep on pushing to my next project. Life is too short to get stuck on one thing for too long. Our minds are so creative, and always ready to absorb new knowledge. That I know that I personally, need to keep it moving. Ready to astound myself.
So don’t ever give up on yourself…don’t ever stop dreaming and pushing. Even when you reach the END of one project. It’s up to you to keep pushing towards the next goal. There is nothing wrong with accomplishing the impossible, and making it possible. It’s all a matter of your mind state. With that being said, YES my new book is under way…again you will not be disappointed! Second my health is improving as I have lost 55 in 2011 and project to lose more in 2012~!! My book sales are up and the events I attend, are encouraging and enlightening. To meet so many talented, loving, caring souls in my home town of PITTSBURGH and beyond~!!
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I thank you so much for hanging in there with me. I try and post as much as I can. Sharing a piece of my life. Or work, health encouragements…and so on. I am far from perfect and don’t project to be. I just love to write, encourage and inspire all to enjoy life. Even through the dark times we learn things that make us smile in the long run. Keep on working hard at being the best you. That’s all you can be~! Agape.
Side Note: Thanks so much to my new SUBSCRIBERs to the blog!!! Your input is welcomed~!! Come visit me on my website too, www.queenrellabooks.webs.com
Getting To The Finish Line
20 Sep 2011 Leave a Comment
in From the Mind of a Queen, New Book News
You can make it...it's up to YOU~!
It’s easier said than done, getting to a goal sometimes. I heard a story one time of a swimmer. He decided to get taken out far into the ocean to swim back to shore preparing for a competition. Last time he did it in less than ten minutes. It was a foggy morning, so all he had to go off of, is that he is going in the right direction. He had a far swim, but nothing he haven’t swam before. It was the fog that was blocking his normal right to see the shoreline. For some reason on this particular day the tide was higher and thrashing against his body. He swam, and swam…it felt like time was going slow and he still was swimming harder, than before. He wanted to beat his previous time. Starting to believe that he would never make it to shore, he contemplated giving up. Something about not seeing the shore line, his finish line, is wearing down on his normal ambitious demeanor. He was winded got a leg cramp and the brisk air he was gasping for, was starting to make his lungs burn. His body was begging for him to quit. This swimmer stopped short feeling as if he wouldn’t make it.
Isn’t that how it is sometimes? You set a goal ahead of you, then when it don’t come to fruition fast enough, you start feeling as if you’re not going to complete it. It starts to weigh heavy on your mind. You contemplate giving up and admitting defeat. You tried, and you fought the hard fight. It all seems too far to reach, so not to look like a failure, you think about just giving it all up. Moving on to the next goal, and letting that dream of hitting that finish line go. I have been through that time, and time again. I was on TWITTER and reading one of Rev Run’s stat updates. I find him and Russell Simmons to be educational, inspirational and encouraging. So, I read their stat updates on Twitter. {If your on TWITTER go check them out, for encouragement. You will not be disappointed.} Anyway Rev Run said: FOCUS {Follow One CourseUntil Successful} I found these words to be so true and motivational.
Even when the tide is up, everything is thrashing against you to not succeed, even your mind is starting to play tricks on you. That is when these words need to kick in. Forcing you to continue on your course, til you reach your finish line. {{FOCUS}} I don’t care if it’s for weight loss, a longer exercise time, a promotion at the job, trying to move, staying in a long term relationship, saving for a dream vacation. No matter the personal goal it’s important for you to focus on the BIGGER PICTURE. Not just the hardships that you’re being hit head on with. Everyone runs into obstacles. Nothing happens overnight, like the movies want you to think. Most things worth having takes hard work. Your job in any dream, goal, passion or desire….is to keep your FOCUS>>! Forward progression!!!
So, what happened to the swimmer, floating at sea, trying to reach his finish line? What happened, when he decided to stop rushing forward towards his goal, when he didn’t see the finish line near? Well, he quickly found out after he was scooped up into the speed boat, winded and defeated, that the shore was less than a half a mile away. He was right there…and didn’t even realize it. He allowed his mind, to convince him that he couldn’t make it. He allowed all the outside influences to deter him from reaching his goal. What did this story teach me? Well first that any dream or goal you want to achieve is closer than you think. Second, that it’s up to you to reach your goals. It’s all in your mind. Third, that things will get in the way of you obtaining your dream, reaching your goal. But, you have to focus and keep on that same course to make it happen~!!
Why am I talking about making it to the finish line. Well, I want to share with you something that helped me out. This story that I shared, and the wisdom of Rev Run is something that every goal oriented person needs to hear. Also I wanted to share with you that I have reached my FINISH LINE! I have completed my urban fiction book, and it will be ready for sale by 9/30/11~!!! My book title is STEEL TWINZ “Ladies In The Street“ It is a engrossing street tale about Twin sisters born into the under world of Pittsburgh Pa. You get to navigate through life with them, as they live the street life. Proving that females can be hustlers too!
I have to be honest with you. This book was a test to my dedication, determination and drive. I think that I crashed into a lot of figurative high tides, and started to doubt my own ambition. Still, when it’s something that you want. You have to stay FOCUSED in order to reach any goal~!! I had to share this with you all and ask you to come through and support my NEW WEBSITE it’s www.queenrellabooks.webs.com !!! On my site I will be holding new book contest, new book titles, Book sales information, meet and greet schedule, new book release information and more~!! I’m excited, to say the least,…my book…MY FINISH LINE is right there, in front of me! I pushed through all my obstacles, and completed my FIRST edition urban fiction NOVELLA~!!
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So, I say to you…don’t give up on any dreams that you have. Any goals that you are setting out to achieve, believe me when I say that if you FOCUS, you will SUCCEED~!! Your FINISH LINE is closer than you think~!! Thanks for reading…AGAPE. <3
Coming up soon, in the next blog…What’s next, after hitting the finish line? What do you do with that feeling of accomplishment? See you in the next blog…and please come through www.queenrellabooks.webs.com and show a sistah, some love on her dream! The only way to get on top, is to help another person up! <3
Gaining Your Feedback…
04 Sep 2011 Leave a Comment
in From the Mind of a Queen, New Book News
I need your input. <3
Hello all my faithful readers!! I appreciate you coming past and peeking in on me! I am so excited to share the news with you!!! My book will be available for sale towards the end of this month!!! I have been working hard with my editor, to correct the many error’s that I made during the writing process. I tell you what, I love writing! I am extremely excited that it’s someone Else’s job to edit. Still, I require a lot of feedback, when it comes to that process. So, I have been busy at work. Fine tuning the project.
I am as excited as you are, to share this piece with you. I want all to know that this process is enjoyable, exciting and challenging at the same time. Still I press on. I wanted to also let you know. That I will be celebrating my 200 subbies, on YOU TUBE!!! I wanted to celebrate it by holding a raffle/give away, of my new book coming out~!! I have been going back, and forth, over how to handle this contest. I want it to be fair, because I value all of my supporters. I actually have more than 200 subscribers! So, my plan was to hold a raffle, and give away two copies of my new book to come! To two, of my lucky subbies to You Tube or my blog. So, if you are into urban fiction, and love some of the work I have put out. Subscribe to my YOU TUBE channel queenrella77 {www.youtube/queenrella77.com} or even to this blog, and look out for the upcoming contest! First I would like feedback from you, though. Click on the poll, and add your feedback!!
Who knows, if I reach 300 subbies√ before the book drops. I will give away another one. So, look out for the upcoming news on the BOOK TITLE, and artwork~!! I am excited and look forward to hearing from you~!! Many want to know the title now and the plot. If you know anything about urban fiction, know that it will be full of twist and turns. I want everyone to consider this thought with me. If you didn’t know me personally, would you read anything urban fiction. If you answered YES!! Then this book, will have you on the edge of your seat, with popcorn in hand.
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Thanks so much for reading my blog, and have a wonderful existence. Not just day, or year,…have a wonderful existence. Agape. <3
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